The ABCs of Wrestling – Gamma Edition: J is for …?

Posted in: The King of Stats
The ABCs of Wrestling – Gamma Edition: J is for …?
By zzzorf
Jul 10, 2016 – 1:43:11 AM

G’Day one and all and welcome to the annual July tradition that is the ABCs of Wrestling. In its third year, the ABCs of Wrestling is an anthology of 26 writers gathered by me, your host zzzorf, based around the movies the ABCs of Death and its sequel. In those movies 26 directors are given a letter of the alphabet of which they are to do a short film about death based upon a word of their choice starting with their given letter. The ABCs of Wrestling follows a similar pattern where I gather 26 writers from all around Lords of Pain, be it here on the main page in the forums with writers representing the columns section, LPW (the LOP e-fed) or just the general forum. They are all then given a letter for which they are to write a creative style column about wrestling based upon a word starting with that letter. It’s as simple as that.

In its first edition back in 2014 an eventual 29 writers (a couple of letters had multiple columns due to late entries coming in after I had replaced the original writer) put forward their work leading to them all receiving the CF Column Series of the Year award. Last year in it’s Beta version 27 writers (my column was co-authored with my son) once again put forward their work in another great version of the series. This year, the Gamma Edition, sees the series make its debut here on the main page instead of being locked down in the forums. After each entry I will put a link to the previous entries for you to check out what has come before if you so wish.

Enough talk, let’s get on with today’s entry.

Loading file: Intro.DOC

How did I end up here? To really understand that, you need to know my story.

My name is Cymon Borg; I am a pro wrestler working for WWE. I have been all my life it feels, I remember life before wrestling but it always seems hazy, usually we blame it on the concussions and a dull life beforehand, also the concussions. I am not high up the card; I spend more time hanging out backstage with the guys and in catering than I do in the ring.

Also I am a half robot.

I don’t know when it happened; I guess I always have been, all I remember in that regard was waking up one day and my right hand side one day covered in electronic devices from the company Apple, you know Apple right, they make phones that are slightly bigger than the last. I don’t know how this happened it is just one of those things you learn to live with. As the only half robot employee in WWE Vince pays special attention to me, even going as far as telling me to call him father.

I realize he isn’t my father, I don’t know much about my father, I don’t really remember much about life before wrestling, but that is okay because the WWE is my family. Vince has been a good sort of parent to me since joining, he always makes sure I have enough money to get by on and keeps me busy when I am not in the ring with some sort of job or task. ? Usually it involves punching someone till he does what Vince wants. Vince says it is best for business so I just go along with it.

Vince called me into his office in WWE HQ for a meeting a few days ago, the next job he has me scheduled on is in a few days so I figured this is about something different. Maybe he wants to go see a movie with his favorite son; he says I am his favorite anyway because apparently “Shane’s a douche”, I don’t know what that means so I just smile and nod. Anyway I am rambling, time for me to go to my meeting.

Vince McMahons office.

“Cymon, good to see you” Vince says as Cy walked in the door. The office had been redesigned recently after part of the floor collapsed into the floor below, now known as the Forbidden Zone. What made it so forbidden was unknown to Cy but he had direct orders to not go down there, so he had never been. The room looked great; it had a Roman Reigns fountain in where the floor had broken. It spouted Champagne that at this point was probably three months old.

“Good to see you too father” Cy replied “May I ask why I am here, I don’t have to get your $20 back from Goldust for another few days”

“Forget that job; we have something of the utmost importance to attend to” Vince replies

“What is it?” Cymon asks

“Three letters … W.C.W”

“Woman Crush Wednesday?”

“No you moron, World Championship Wrestling” Vince replies “They are planning an attack on me and my company”

“WCW died 15 years ago, Are you sure it’s not TNA you’re thinking of?”

“Those hicks could finance their way out of a paper bag, I am not worried about them” Vince retorted “WCW are making another push at winning the Monday Night Wars.”

“The Monday Night Wars ended in 2001, WWE won” Cy replied.

“We won that battle, but the war goes on, every couple of years their name seems to crop back up”

“That would be the DVDs based on WCW we release sir”

“Nonsense, they are clearly faking their death and planning to take me down from the inside”

“From the inside” Cymon asked.

Vince leans in close and whispers into his ear “We have a mole in the company; he is ferreting information out to the WCW higher ups”

“If he were a mole, wouldn’t he be moleing information out of the company” Cy replies

Vince just stares in discontent at Cymon. Cy, being a robot, didn’t understand the look of discontent on Vince’s face and wouldn’t continue to talk without being prompted; thankfully this stalemate was broken when Shane McMahon entered the room. He looked at the two who seemed locked in a staring competition.

“Dad” Shane says breaking the focus of both Vince and Cy, the two turn to look at him. “We have a meeting”

“Ah right” Vince replies, he begins to leave the room before turning back and looking at Cy “remember what we talked about, and keep it top secret”

Cy promptly left the Vince’s office and begun trying to work out who the mole is.

“hmm … If someone is leaking info to WCW then I imagine they have to have worked there before it fell and obviously have to still work here” Cy thinks to himself. He promptly downloads a list of WCW employees and superstars who currently work for or are under contract with WWE.

“Where to start” Cymon thinks to himself as he scrolls through the list “this Terra Ryzing guy looks promising, I’ll start with him”

Later, somewhere in Connecticut.

“This is the place” Cy says to himself as he stands at the door of a rather large, fancy looking house. He knocks on the door, and awaits an answer. “Oh shit I don’t have a weapon” thinking quickly Cy grabs a nearby potted plant to use.

The door opens and Cy immediately throws it at the persons face, causing it to break and knock the person unconscious. Cymon steps inside and looks at the person he just probably concussed.

“Stephanie?” he exclaimed as he realized what he had done, at which point Triple H arrives at the door to see what the commotion was.

“Oh dear god, it is in our house” Hunter exclaims as he sees Cymon.

“Hi” Cymon cheerily replies.

“I thought I told Vince to never let you come to our house” H replies.

“I am here on important business” Cy replies “I am here to interrogate Terra Ryzing”

Triple H sighs realizing that there was no quick way to get Cymon out of his house. “I am Terra Ryzing. Now can you explain why you are looking for a gimmick I haven’t used in twenty years?”

Cy explains the situation to Hunter who wears a look of discontent on his face the whole time.

“How many times do we have to tell Vince WCW is dead before he finally realizes it’s true?” H says in exasperation. Cy doesn’t have a response and just looks blankly at him.

“Ok show me the list of suspects” H says using air quotes on suspects

Cymon shows Triple H the list on one of the IPads on his arm. H begins to cross names off the list leaving only a few names unchecked that he imagined would be completely impossible to find or blatantly innocent.

“Thank you for the help” Cymon says and begins to leave

“Wait a minute” H calls after him “What am I supposed to do with her” he says gesturing to his still unconscious wife

“Just give her an ice pack and a couple aspirin and she’ll be fine” Cymon says as he grabs another potted plant from their doorstep and leaves.

At the next SmackDown taping

“Then I said to him, if at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you”

“I am sure that is great advice Booker, but how does that get anyone around here to take my ideas seriously”

“Shucky ducky, quack quakc”

“Your high aren’t you”

“Probably, what day is it”

“Forget it; I am going to go see if anyone else can help”

“Best decision you have made all day” Booker replies

Booker T turns around to leave and is face to hydrangea with Cymon.

“Yup I am definitely high right now” Booker says without moving

“Are you the rat?” Cymon asks

“No, I am Booker T” Booker says confused

“I meant the WCW rat” Cymon retorts

“We have a rat” Booker replies

“Technically he is a mole” Cymon replies “And he has been ferreting information out of the company”

“Well whatever small furry rodent we are discussing, I am not it” Booker says “But I think I may have seen him”

“How can you be sure” Cy asks

“He was meeting with a guy in a suit in parking lot and handed him a briefcase” Booker says

“Was he any of the names on this list” Cy says and shows him the short list of superstars on an IPad.

“That one” Booker says as he clicks on it.

“Thank you” Cymon says and begins to leave

“Wait” Booker calls after him

“Yes” Cy says as he turns and looks at Booker

“Can I have the plant” Booker asks

“Why” Cymon asks unsure of Bookers motives

“Well I heard of people smoking ficus and I want to know if it works with other plants too” Booker says

Cymon thinks it over for a few seconds before handing Booker the Hydrangea and leaving to go deal with the rat/mole/ferret.

At a seedy doctor’s office in South East North West Virginia.

“Thanks for doing this doc” said the middle aged man on the table

“No problem, I was a fan of yours when I was younger and if it helps you get back in the ring it’s worth a go” the doctor replies putting on some rubber surgical gloves

“Hold up, where did you get the spinal column from”

“Enough questions, sleepy time” The doctor says before quickly putting the man under.

Before the doctor can begin surgery begins there is a knock at the door.

“Damnit” the doctor says and throws a tarp over his patient before he heads to the door. The doctor leans up against the door and asks “Who is it”

“It’s me”

“Who’s me” The doctor replies

“Cymon” he replies

“I thought I told you not to come around here after you cheated on my sister” The doctor says as he opens the door. “Wait you’re not Simon”

“I am Cymon” Cy replies

“Whatever, what do you want” The doctor asks eager to get on with his surgery

“I have to come to take that man” Cymon says as he points at the tarp “He is a traitor and must answer for his crimes”

Cymon heads over to the tarp but The Doctor tackles him.

“No one comes into my surgery and takes my patients” The Doctor says

Cy quickly throws him off and gets to his feet “I am afraid you don’t have a say in that matter sir, I have orders to take this man to my boss and it shall be done”

The doctor grabs a large saw like object from his table and charges Cymon once more. Cymon quickly side steps the doctors initial charge and follows it up with a kick to the stomach. The Doctor doesn’t go down and swings the saw at Cymon, Cy back steps quickly but a small wound now crosses his midsection. Cymon reaches onto the nearby counter and grabs a full syringe and throws it at the doctor, hitting and sticking in the shoulder, Cy follows it up with a quick punch to the syringe causing it to inject and shatter. The numbing agent inside the Doctor quickly going to work, numbing his left arm completely causing him to drop the saw.

The Doctor in a runs across the room in panic and grabs a scalpel. Cymon too grabs a scalpel and gestures for the doctor to bring it. The two engage in a duel of scalpels so masterful and elegant that it cannot be described by words. ? ? The duel ends when both men lock blades and the scalpels end up flying across the room.

“Let’s face it, our scalpelsmanship is matched, and if we go physical then I am obviously going to win” Cymon says “Just let me take your patient and we can avoid any further violence”

The doctor sighs and walks over to the tarp allowing Cymon to go and take him.

Cymon walks over past the doctor to the tarped WCW superstar. The Doctor had one last trick up his sleeves and swiftly kicks Cymon in the balls. The Doctor follows this with a tackle through the surgical side table, scattering debris over the floor. Cymon falls to the ground and the Doctor mounts his chest and pulls out a scalpel from his coat pocket.

“DIE” The Doctor yells as he plunges it towards Cymon’s heart, Cy grabs the doctor’s arms inches away from his chest. The two locked in a life or death struggle. Cymon looks to his right and sees a spinal column lead on the floor, the one that was about to be used in surgery. Cymon begins reaching for it with his mechanical arm. The scalpel getting ever closer to him, His hand grasps the tail end of the spinal column and he swings it, clubbing the doctor in the face, knocking him unconscious and knocking him off the top of Cymon.

“So, a Gorilla’s spinal column makes a decent improvised flail, good to know” Cymon says

With the doctor unconscious, Cymon heads over to the tarped wrestler and picks him up, taking him back to HQ to see what punishment Vince deals to him.

Back at WWE HQ

Cymon arrived at WWE HQ with the mole who was still unconscious mole and now with arms and legs tied and being carried in by Cymon, Cymon tries to enter but the building is locked, so Cymon knocks on the front door.

“Password” A voice from the other side of the door says

“Whatword” Cymon replies

“There is a mole in the company so Vince has set a password to the building” the voice replies

“Okay well I have the mole with me so we can drop these security upgrades” Cymon retorts

“Can’t do that I am afraid” The voice replies

“Why not”

“You could be the mole and just be pretending to have the mole just to get info from Vince”

“That’s ridiculous”

“No I’ll tell you what is ridiculous, one of NXT’s brightest talents being promoted to the main roster to do nothing and then being called into a meeting about a promotion and being told that he has to guard a fucking door” The voice says

“That does sound ridiculous” Cymon replies

“You know what; I don’t have to take this crap. Tell Vince I am heading to Ring of Honor and he can blow a goat” The voice says

The door opens and out storms a furious Tyler Breeze who promptly turns around and walks backwards flipping off the building and screaming obscenities at it.

Cymon takes the mole inside and takes the elevator to Vince’s office.

Vince’s office

“Vince you here” Cymon says as he walks in with the mole in his arms.

“Yes I am” Vince says “You have the mole?”

“Yes I do” Cymon replies “What are you gonna do to him”

“I think it is fairly obvious” Vince says as he pulls out a Desert Eagle “Now let’s see the bastard who would try and screw a McMahon”

The tarp is pulled off of the mole to reveal him to Vince, who had just woke up

“I knew it was you” Vince looked at the tied up Mole “The last WCW holdout”

“What is this about Vince” replies Sting

“You know what this is about you fucking rat” Vince says

“What are you talking about” replies Sting

“You have been selling information about the WWE to WCW” Vince yells back at him

“That’s ridiculous WCW went out of business 15 years ago” Sting replies

“Bullshit, you were seen giving info to a man in a secluded area” Cymon yells

“I was handing some legal documents to a guy from TNA about upcoming DVD releases”

“HA, that is an obvious lie, both of those stopped existing in 2012” Cymon replies smugly

“It’s true, I talked about it with Hunter he can vouch for me” Sting says.

“I am not getting him involved, he would do anything to get one over on me” Vince replies “I’ve heard enough time to kill this Judas”

“WHAT! Vince you don’t have to do this” Sting replies

“You’re right I don’t” Vince says and he gives the gun to Cymon “But he does”

“Vince are you sure about this, I could just break his legs” Cymon replies

“No. Put a bullet right in-between his eyes” Vince replies “That is how you deal with rats”

“Actually most people just use mouse traps or a pesticide” Cy retorts

“Just shoot him already” Vince says

Cymon looks at Sting who was trying his hardest to escape, but due to the tight bonds and the residual drugs couldn’t move an inch. Cymon holds the gun in his robotic hand; he takes a look at it before he raises the gun up and takes aim at Stings head, his hand trembling. He takes one last look at Sting

“I am sorry Vince I can’t do it” Cymon says

“What do you mean “can’t do it”” Vince yells back

“I can’t kill another person for corporate espionage that probably didn’t happen” Cymon replies

“I see” Vince says in a somber tone “You are working together, you’re both fucking rats”

“No Vince, it isn’t like that” Cymon replies “I am 100% loyal to WWE but I won’t kill a man for them”

“JUDAS” Vince yells “Everywhere I look people are trying to stab me in the back” “Thankfully I had a plan for this” Vince walks over to his desk and grabs an IPad which had the WWE logo on the back of it. “Do you know what this does” Vince asks Cymon “It controls all my electronics, from that vacuum robot Steph got me for my last birthday, to the lights in my mansion”

“And what does this have to do with … me” Cymon says as he realizes what is about to happen

His robot hand, still holding the gun rises up and fires at Sting hitting him straight in the head, his body falls to the ground as blood pours out of a hole in his head staining the carpet.

“And now to sort you out” Vince says as he walks back to his desk and picks up the phone, only dialing three numbers. Cymon knew what was about to happen.

“Police please, Someone has been shot” was all Cymon heard as he ran out of the room.

And that is how I got to where I am now. Running, hiding, hunted for a crime I was forced to commit. After getting out of the offices I managed to find a way into the sewers and have hid there the last few days. This is my life now, my old one died as soon as Sting did. However for all that has happened, I have found clarity. I was a thug, working for a corrupt, psychopathic leader. I made peoples life a misery all because I was told to. Now it is time for me to move forward, I can’t fix what I may have broken but I can stop it continuing. Now my mission statement is clear.

Kill Vince McMahon.

To be continued

Next year

written by? kingzak13

Continuing on his story from last years series where he had the letter I (Internet), kingzak13 once again takes us on a ride of who once was Zack Ryder. Zak is a writer always on the improve and another writer who loves to use stats in his writing.


Alpha Edition: J is for Jay-Z – written by LWO4Life

Beta Edition: J is for Jabberwock – written by RantingRandall

See original:

The ABCs of Wrestling – Gamma Edition: J is for …?

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